Take my advice, i'm not using it anyway "Why
choice matters and why some things should never change"
Learning
from defeat, rising up and going undefeated … with a twist
Everywhere
I have worked in my short, but meaningful, work experience I have managed to
demonstrate my potential, skills and ideas and this always rewarded me with
expanding my working objectives to something more suitable to my interests and
the needs of the organization. This has never been due to me being exceptional
or amazing, but rather being able to analyze the needs of the company and management
and offering my own view and sphere of expertise to those needs rather than the
basics of the occupied profession.
This
time it was not much different. After a few months on a position with rather
large influence and effect without too much operational work I decided it is
time to join the troops in “the mud” – to become an operational manager with a
team of people working directly with clients - busy position with larger
responsibilities, but with a rather motivating bonus scheme and a clear path to
the top. It does not sound too complicated, and having a view of the position,
being surrounded by managers as such, I expected that the transition would not
be too difficult. On the contrary, I expected my Human Resource Management
expertise and skills to help me manage the position well.
The
defeat
I am
sure that by reading the two paragraphs above most of you already had the
impression everything would be great and flowing. It would have been nice, or
not, to be like that but here was the result – after 2 weeks of on and off the
field training and 4 days of work – a complete mental burnout, very little food
consumed, 14 hours’ work days, chaos, desperation and insecurity.
A
gloomy picture, a bit hard to imagine after so few days of work, but once
experienced, it cannot be described. The reality is that the work
responsibilities, or daily life was not the issue, it was a transition, without
a doubt, but the problem was different – the
job was something I am not.
Without
going into the specifics of the job, for corporate reasons mostly, it required
a simple thing that I could not be – indifferent;
Indifferent to the issues of the clients, of the team, of the results, of the
fact that the work will never be over or completed.
But
I am anything but indifferent. I care before all – care for my work, my
company, my responsibilities, my team, not to the level, in which I bring my
work home, but as long as I am in the office I am 101% there. This is why I
have always managed to get in the good graces of management, to sell my ideas,
to work with ease. This is why … I had to quit my new position.
The
choice
Choice
is never easy – on the one had I had taken a responsibility, announced to the
entire company, I had the weight of my colleagues, my superiors, my boss – who
supported me and had great expectations of me all the way. I had the weight of
my own opinion of what is going on, of my parents, of my friends. On the other
– to work the job I had to become something that I not only was not, but had sworn
I will never become. To accept that I will always be busy, stressed, perhaps gets
twice the salary in bonuses, but to have difficulties going to bed even.
And
so there was a choice – quit, but keep yourself or stay but change what you are.
After
reading the topic of this article, I am sure most of you know what I chose, but
let me explain why – because a lifetime
from now, no one, but you, will stand in front of the mirror and have to answer
the question – “was it worth it?!”
We
all start with a dream, an idea, and a set of principles of how we see the
world and how we see ourselves and at some point on the road most of use
abandon this – some for money, most for family, some for a set of wrong
choices, but it is what happens. I understand that no one is immune and one day
it might happen to myself, but not while
I have a choice.
One
of the many benefits of being 25 is that you can make tough choices easy – you
have no mortgage, no children, no wife, no credit card, you are as close to
free as you can be. Of course, you are far from free, because you still hold
the weight of everyone’s expectations, including your own, the understanding
that you are no longer a child and everything in life has consequences.
And
I accepted the consequences – I may lose peoples respect,
trust, and my job even – but I cannot lose myself. So I resigned my position
and awaited my faith.
The defeat
After
many discussions on management level, it was decided that I will be allowed to
keep my previous position, with almost no consequences.
I
know it will not be easy to get back to everyone good graces, I know with some
people I might never get there. Having seen the other side, however, I can now
offer better more suitable solutions and ideas to really help the business, but
this is all technical aspects. The real result – is that I survived my own test
of resilience. I kept myself even at the risk of losing everything. And today –
I came with a smile to work again, with positive thinking, with readiness to
help as much as I can, as many as I can, within my own field of expertise,
because this is who I am – someone who
cares, and while I have a choice – I will never change that … and neither
should you!
Going undefeated
Strength does
not come from not being defeated, but from always rising and moving on. Defeat
is not resigning something you are not, but surrendering your own views and values
for a mission/a goal/ a job.
And as such I do
not see my experience as defeat, but rather as an invaluable lesson, that I was
lucky to learn so early in my life, while I have a choice. An experience that I
managed to rationally analyze even though it was filled with emotions. An experience
from which I can keep going and see it before it happens. An experience, that I
am thankful for.
Faith, however, has a funny way of showing you
how right and wrong you are at the same time. In my case – I thought I would go
back to my old position, or that I will be fired, but at the end I was told and
I chose to take my new one back. Not
because it will change me, not because it will be easy, not because I might
succeed, but because I remembered something just as important as everything
written above – it is defeat to not
try harder, to rise is to keep
going, to go undefeated is to accept
something that you are not and still keep yourself in it, so take my advice – I’m not using it anyway.
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